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Before he was the Republican candidate for president, Senator John McCain was a regular on the American talk show circuit, and while his ability to make quips and spin annecdotes didn't get McCain to the White House, he is already back on the horse. Last night he made his first post-election appearance on the Jay Leno show, and had a couple of self-depricating zingers to help mask the pain on his tired, tired face.




On the other hand, McCain doesn't have to be too upset -- he didn't come last in the election, he just came second. Here are some of the candidates he actually defeated:

Fringe People Running for President

    Da Vid (Light Party) The Light Party's hope to illuminate the White House is a scientist named Da Vid. He's running on a "wholistic synergistic seven-point platform," illustrated by graphics on the party's Web site that seem to indicate that they would have the entire American populace drop acid.

    lightparty.com

    Sparrow (Independent) This New York-based poet has run in the last four elections. His 2008 campaign makes this plea, "We certainly don't want him to run anything but we need him now." While unorthodox, the appeal is actually similar to how the majority of voters feel about their pets.

    sparrowforprez.com

    Gene Amondson (Prohibition Party) When he's not attempting to get the country on the proverbial wagon, Amondson is a woodcarver, pastor, piemaker, and widower who's gone on "Oprah" to find a mate. He can clearly multitask, but do we really want four more years of a teetotaler in the Oval Office?

    geneamondson.com

    Jonathon "The Impaler" Sharkey (Independent) The New Jersey resident lists "Commanding General, The 1st Vampyre" as his necessary experience, and gives both satanist and pagan as his religious affiliations -- a conflict, as one is monotheistic and the other polytheistic. Otherwise, he's perfectly electable.

    votesmart.org

    Claire "America, Peach" Cruise (Independent) As of press time, it was unclear if the founder of the organization known as the Department of Empowerment was still in the race. Cruise's MySpace page was originally used to promote her candidacy, but it has since become a repository for dog pictures.

    myspace.com/clairecruise

    Charles O. Baldwin (Independent) A Baptist pastor and conservative radio show host, Baldwin believes the Iraq war was unnecessary, and the South was in the right in the Civil War. He also loves to hunt and freshwater fish, when he's not plotting to resurrect Dixie.

    AP

    Steve Kubby (Libertarian) This crusader for medicinal marijuana has been held on drug-related charges numerous times, and spent time as a fugitive in Canada after being convicted of peyote possession. He failed to get the Libertarian nomination in May, though it's unclear whether he is aware of this.

    AP

    Jackson Kirk Grimes (Fascist) Jack Grimes is running on a totalitarian platform that promotes the philosophies of Mussolini and Saddam Hussein. We were unable to find an image of him where he is not clad in a Roman centurion helmet.

    joanne21921.tripod.com

    Brian Moore (Socialist) Moore (right) is pictured here with running mate Stewart Alexander. They are open socialists, leaving them somewhat vulnerable to the attacks of the McCain-Palin campaign.

    votebrianmoore.com

    Ralph Nader (Green Party) A long-time activist and author, Nader's 2000 candidacy is believed to have helped George W. Bush defeat Al Gore. It is doubtful he will have the same impact in 2008, returning him to fringe candidate status among those wearing helmets and espousing psychedelic drugs.

    Alex Wong, Getty Images