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Dear America, First things first -- we love your country. We love your food, your movies and your pleasantly sweet refusals to rejoin the British Empire.
We just can't stand that you love America so much. At least, we can't stand that you love America so loudly.
Whether it's chants of "USA! USA!" at the Ryder Cup, or cheesy Hollywood films like U-571 (where the USA always saves the day, no matter what sanity or the historical record will tell you) we just can't help but get annoyed by the sheer volume of your luminous patriotism.
That's why, this July Fourth, we're showcasing the worst examples we could of your countrymen taking patriotism just a smidge too far.
All we're trying to say is that if you're etching a nudie version of the Statue of Liberty in permanent ink on your backside, you might be trying to compensate for something.
Take a lesson out of our book -- love your country, but love it quietly.
Yours,
Sir Hubert TC William Buxomely
Representative of the Former British Empire
