How to spot the super-rich, by James Palumbo

When the world's financial structure collapsed six months ago we almost believed the age of the wealthy idiot was coming to an end.

We were wrong. All around the globe, from the oyster bars of London to the yachts of the French Riviera, the super-rich have persisted, breathing in the pungent fumes of success, vanity and breast-enhancement surgery.

Ministry of Sound founder James Palumbo knows this world well. In his journey from Eton and Oxford to the heights of business and club-culture, he has never been far from wealth. Now his debut novel, Tomas -- a fantastical, violent and and very funny portrayal of a world obsessed by reality TV and the "bloated bankers, Russian roubles, salacious socialites and filthy footballers" that rule over it -- rings with intense personal experience.

In an effort to break down the barriers between the rich and the rest of society, and to make us feel better about being part of the latter, we asked Palumbo for some pointers on how to spot the super-rich, and how to laugh, speak and dress like they do.

Read Palumbo's tips and watch a surreal animated trailer for the book after the jump.



(Tomas by James Palumbo is published by Quartet, priced £10.)

The Look:

"For the boys it's diamante-encrusted t-shirts or white shirts with oversize collars, anchor sized watches and sunglasses worn at all times ... but especially at night. For the girls it's micro-cocktail dresses, giraffe stilettos and bazooka breasts. Underwear, however expensive, is frowned upon."

The Laugh:

"Rich people laugh a lot because it shows how successful and care free and fun to be around they are. A rich laugh is either a high-pitched, head-turning 'Ha! Ha! Ha!' or a hysterical, I'm-having-so-much-fun 'He! He! He!' or a satisfied, consciously inappropriate guffaw 'Ahhaha! Ahhaha! Ahhaha!'"

The Language:

"The über-rich talk mainly about the two subjects that interest them most, themselves and money ... me etc ... more etc ... money etc ... my etc ... mwah! "

The Life:

"High-net-worth individuals are creatures of expensive habits, and a busy day is mostly made up of bars, cars and beaches, smoking, shopping and eating, and a lot of unnecessary shouting."

The Luxury:

"There is no end to the exhaustively extravagant ways the rich have devised to publicly dispose of their cash. From magnums to Old Masters and jewels to jets, they have an unshakable dedication to the art of expense."

Tomas by James Palumbo is published by Quartet, priced £10.