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(The stories we didn't have room for elsewhere.)
Here at Asylum we do our very best to serve you the weirdest news, best videos and most unbelievable gadgets on the web, and a lot more besides. At the risk of overwhelming you, our beloved readers, we often have to resist the temptation to put up videos of dogs skateboarding badly and the like - because they just don't make the cut. Then again, some of our finds are so good, it's only a lack of space and a bit of bad luck that means they slip through the cracks and down the back of Asylum's imaginary internet-based settee.
A good example is this recent meme for pictures of angry people in local newspapers. Essentially if there's a problem that needs highlighting in the local press, you need a grumpy shot of the complaining party. Them's the rules. Whether it's a man with a frown decrying the fact that "these bins haven't been collected for weeks," or an overweight woman scowling at a sausage, the locals will always find a way to embarrass themselves. We like.
After the break check out the other best stuff we found down the sofa alongside two 50p pieces and half a Yorkie.
Were your parents awesome? Seriously, were they? These people seem to think theirs are – and, bizarrely, we're inclined to agree. One man has started up a blog where people can send pictures of their mom and pop looking 'radical' and 'hip', way back in the day, and it makes suprisingly entertaining viewing. Expect pictures of wicked beards, tie-dye shirts and faded polaroid film.
When not to hyphenate your last nameA tip for Asylumers about to tie the knot. If your surname's Hardy, and her name's Harr, then whatever you do don't hypernate your last names. Or, alternatively, do. The same goes for those of you called Looney and Warde, Wang and Holder, Poor and Sapp. Oh, and don't print news your marriage in the local paper – it'll only end up on the internet, like these. People totally unaware of how stupid they're being? That's always going to get our vote.
Insanely complicated movie plot graphs
Did you find Lord Of The Rings confusing? We did. By God we did. Which one's Merry? Where do Orcs come from? What's a hobbit? If you want to know just how exactly the little fellas and lanky wizards made it to Mordor then this is for you - a map to help you survive the most overplotted pieces of cinema ever created. Other sagas explained include Star Wars, Jurassic Park and, um, 12 Angry Men.
Sven-Göran Eriksson Kleenex kick about
A ragtag group of celebrity misfits including Emma Bunton, Tom Hardy, Sir Bob Geldof and Sven-Göran Eriksson all band together to celebrate the art of using tissues (no, not that way). The highlight is Sven playing keepy-uppy with a ball of Kleenex before 'doing the plane' and falling to his knees in celebration. As you do. If only for seeing Sven with his shirt over his head, this is worth the Asylum B-Side stamp of approval.
Golden age of video
There's no finer, catchier, more reference-heavy clip you'll watch this week, and it's well worth a second look, if only to catch every single pop-culture in-joke - boasting lines from Family Guy, Ghostbusters, Seinfeld, and many, many more. Oh, and it has a Naked Gun clip in there, which scientists agree makes anything hilarious.
Christopher Walken – Poker Face
Though it was out after we'd left the office last Friday and were busy making pint glass pyramids in the nearest ale emporium, there's still no reason why we shouldn't bow down and praise the man, the myth, the legend that is Christopher Walken. Watching him talking through the Lady Ga Ga tune, it only makes you want him as your weirdly-accented godfather even more. Just us then? We'll get our coats.
And finally, our Weird News headlines. Ready with your bongs?
(Bong!) Angry bear eats cave-dwelling terrorists.
(Bong!) Drug baron burns £1million in one night.
(Bong!) Boy escapes runaway car moments before plunging down cliff.
(Bong!) Civilian pulls fighter jet ejector seat in error.
More next week!
