As we're sure you know, it's Movember. That time of year when men all over the world come together to grow moustaches to wrestle prostate cancer, one-on-one. A heroic time, indeed. There is, of course, a known correlation between men with moustaches and acts of mantastic greatness. If you're growing a moustache, you too will be one of them. That said, with great power comes great responsibility, so as an act of warning we will show you some examples of those who abused their nasal rug growing abilities to perform evil. Don't be one of them! Do not!
All that, after the jump.
Hero: Colonel John Rouse Merriott Chard VCIn command of the South Wales Borders, during the Battle at Rourke's drift. Chard lead 139 British soldiers against 5000 Zulu warriors.
Such were the Zulu's casualties that they eventually retreated. Eleven Victoria Crosses were awarded after the battle, the most ever received in a single action by one regiment, seven to soldiers of the South Wales Borders. All of whom had moustaches - well most of them.
Villain: Kaiser Wilhelm II of GermanyDespite a beguilingly awesome moustache this German Emperor was partly at fault for the start of WWI.
When he sanctioned the use of force by Austria against Serbia, the perceived source of the Black Hand gang, killers of his regal chum, the equally well-moustachioed Franz Ferdinand.
An eminent despot and general all-round looney tune he fled the war and upon arriving at Amerongen Castle in the Netherlands in 1918, the first thing he said was: "So what do you say, now give me a nice cup of hot, good, real English tea." Definitive proof all Germans want to be British.
Hero: Ramsay MacDonaldThis bushy lipped politician was the first Labour Prime Minister and under his government, despite massive political pressure, his government passed the first Housing Act was passed which greatly expanded municipal housing for low paid workers.
Later he formed the first ever National Government comprising MPs of all three political parties. He was dismissed as a traitor by members of the far-left of the Labour party but we admire his bravery and fluffy lip warmer.
Villain: John Wilkes BoothBooth was a famous stage actor in his time, before he got "all political" and went and shot Abraham Lincoln in Ford's Theatre, Washington DC.
Booth opposed the abolition of slavery and Lincoln's proposal to extend voting rights to recently freed slaves - which in our eyes makes him a right shit.
This man doesn't deserve a moustache.
Hero: Doc HollidayA gambler, gunfighter and dentist? Not like some hokey backstreet pliers and brandy dentist, but one with a degree and everything.
Diagnosed with tuberculosis Holliday was given just months to live, and took off for a warmer climate - the wild west.
He saved fellow Cowboy Wyatt Earp's life on several occasions, though eventually died himself at 36. No one ever thought that he would die in bed, with his boots off. His last words were, "Well I'll be damned. This is funny." Where we come from we call that: double-hard.
Villain: Edward "Blackbeard" TeachThe captain of the Queen Anne's Revenge, Blackbeard has been become a pop culture icon, but this belies a history of frank brutality.
He would, on occasion - just for japes, shoot a few of his crew, reportedly saying: "If I didn't shoot one or two crewmen now and then, they'd forget who I was."
He'd bury each treasure chest with a murdered crew-member..
He was no Walter Raleigh that's what we're saying.
Hero: Sir Walter RaleighAristocrat, writer, poet, soldier, courtier, and explorer - we like a multi-skiller.
The quintessential British adventurer, Raleigh went in search of El Dorado and in fact discovered the world's highest waterfall Angel Falls.
He was also a devoted family man, he secretly married Bess Throckmorton which when it was discovered eventually landed him in the Tower of London.
Villain: Dick DastardlyPilot of the Mean Machine, Dick Dastardly was famous for always getting into the lead during the Wacky Races, then instead of asserting his clearly substantial lead, he'd stop and spend an improbable amount of time setting some sort of ridiculous trap that, if he ever gave it a moments rational thought, would clearly never work.
Then, after the conclusion of his racing career, he lead a team of pilots whose sole job was to catch, one solitary carrier pigeon. A task they couldn't complete in 34 encounters.
Not only is this man a villain he's clearly a moron.
Hero: Mark LawrensonNo list of moustaches would be complete without Mark Lawrenson. The rock at the heart of one of best English club sides in history. We firmly believe Lawrenson's moustache was responsible for his footballing success.
He is the only man in history, who even when he shaved his moustache off still looks like he has one.
Villain: Charles BronsonHe has spent just four months and nine days at liberty in the last 35 years. Originally incarcerated for seven years for stealing just £26.18.
You know someone is a villain when they have a long, bullet-pointed section of their Wikipedia entry called Hostage Situations.
It's a great tache mind.








































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Tuesday 24 November
By stjohn
don't forget SAM ELLIOTT in ROADHOUSE the coolest tache in history.
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