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Love cars? Hate commuting? Well, good news, because those lovely people over at The European Commission (great name, great guys) have launched a research plan into something called "road trains".

Essentially a bigger, faster game of follow the leader – but in cars, the idea is that a lead vehicle (a truck, say) drives ahead of a group of trailing cars, whose drivers can kick back, read, practise the guitar or pretend they're driving anyway.

Special satnav and wireless technology will keep the cars in check, though if you want to leave the group, you just send the leader a message and you'll be able to pull out.

The question remains, however, as to who should drive these motorway-based caterpillars? Here's our three suggestions for the role, all with a little too much time on their hands, after the jump.



Ken Livingstone

Everyone's favourite newt-loving leftie is doing a substantial amount of thumb twiddling after Boris "Oik-basher" Johnson took his mayoral position last year. He's had part-time work waffling on air for London talk radio station LBC 97.3, but is yet to sort out a full time position. Asylum is here to help. Ken can chat sweet nothings over the intercom whilst pretending he's leading a party (of cars) – though he does have a tendency to drift to the left, so best watch out for that.

Pros: Plenty of previous experience leading, "Red Ken" sounds like a great name for a train, and he needs the distraction.
Cons: Will sporadically perform U-turns for no discernible reason and will eventually form a Road Train drivers' union.

Jarno Trulli

On November 4th, Jarno was officially without contract. Toyota packed up their bags and headed back to Japan, leaving the Italian racer without a pay cheque and in need of a job. And although throughout his career he may not have finished any higher than 6th in the World Drivers' Championship, we'd like to offer him a position where he always finishes first – because that's the whole point.

Pros: A great deal of experience on the road, can be very, very quick when he wants to be.
Cons: This doesn't happen very often. Struggles to maintain speed, erratic performance and low morale. And he won't like the speed limiter one bit.

Gareth Southgate

Although we feel bad for Gareth, what with being sacked hours after a 2-0 victory over Derby County last month (even though they were in fourth place in the league, one point behind the top spot) we will never, ever, ever forgive him for fluffing the penalty against Germany in Euro 1996. Seriously Gareth, how could you? Anyway, as punishment, we thought you might like driving mindlessly down motorways, and if it keeps you off the commentary circuit, then all the better.

Pros: Good at managing teams (no, really), used to travelling great distances for away games.
Cons: Fluffed that bloody penalty in Euro 96. Damn you Southgate, damn you.