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(The stories we didn't have room for elsewhere.)
We've had another good week here at Asylum Towers, dishing up some of the weirdest and most wonderful things the world has to offer, including the discovery of something called a 'road train', the world's most nonchalant (and hygienic) football fan and starting an investigation into what exactly Lembit Opik has that we haven't. Of course, we'd love to give you more and more of the same, a never-ending array of weird news, odd videos, bizarre gadgets and like – but there isn't time enough in the day, and sometimes, just sometimes, what we find is a little too weird.
But that's what Asylum's B-Sides are for: the big bag of internet junk we just like too much to throw out, so we hide it under the desk until a week has passed and then dump its contents all over the internet. Find out what's inside after the jump.
Why I must Get Drunk With YouA simplified and efficient note, complete with check-off squares to tick, so you can send a succinct message to someone saying exactly why you wanted to get pissed in their presence (example given: I want to get drunk with you because... I love beer / You love beer / I had a crap day at work / You're hot – signed, Asylum). It gets the Asylum B-Side stamp of approval for removing all that unnecessary "so what are you doing tonight?" nonsense from the equation, and gets you to the pub quicker and easier.
A man shooting miniature bananas out his nose
Okay, okay, it's an advert – but Japan's advertising community is so thoroughly bonkers that when they do something as inspirationally brilliant as this (and we're defining a man who can fly by waving bananas as brilliant here) it deserves recognition and, without a doubt, the B-Side seal of approval.
Knock To Unlock
Back in our youth, those halcyon days of yore, dens were cool. You could have a 'cool' gang name ('The Dudes' or 'Awesome Squad'), a special handshake, and, of course, a secret knock to gain entrance to your mate Greg's treehouse. Now you can relive those nit-filled days with a special handle to your door that recognises the rhythm of your door knock, opening when the right beat is drummed. Worth a B-Side simply because it's amazing – and we want one.
A cloud of swarming birds
Spring Watch might not be the typical Asylum reader's TV show of choice, but this could easily have appeared in an episode, and would be the coolest thing in it by a long, long way. Hundreds of starlings gather together into a big feathery cloud, reminiscent of the Michael Caine catastrophe, 'The Swarm', dancing together, um, ahem, prettily. Ignore the Danish commentary – it's genuinely pretty special.
The happiest chair in the world
Have you seen the happiest chair in the world? Because this one is ecstatic. I mean, it's bloody pleased. We've yet to meet a chair this peppy, ever, and you know what? Good for this chair. It might not have the music taste we'd approve of (Ghetto Gospel? Really?) but it's just so happy we can't help looking at him, the little bugger.
The weirdest dance we've ever seen
The man is happy. Very happy. As happy as the happy chair, even, if not happier. Either that or a little bit troubled in the head – whatever it is, he's pulling out some amazing moves, and it's well worth whipping out the notepad on this one, because you'll need to note these down. Start by drumming your chest, then, well, just go nuts. We're still not quite sure why he's so excitable? Any ideas? We're thinking he's just eaten three Terry's Chocolate Oranges on the trot. At a guess.
And finally, our Weird News headlines. Ready with your bongs?
(Bong!) Wife keeps dog after its bite kills husband.
(Bong!) Babies pick up parents' accents while in the womb.
(Bong!) Weird scientists put artificial penises on rabbits.
(Bong!) Mum asks paramedics for a can of lager.
More next week!
