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Thank God for that – someone has finally bought the movie rights to Risk. Yes, Risk. Risk the boardgame. In what some might see as a massive tactical blunder (the studio equivalent of moving your troops out of Australasia) Sony have coughed up for the argument-inducing game of world domination.

Sir Ridley Scott's also got in on the boardgame-as-a-movie act, recently announcing he's directing the Monopoly movie (But he did... Gladiator...? No, we don't get it either). On top of that, other studios are planning on turning the likes of Battleships and Cluedo into cinematic money-spinners.

But if you could turn any artifact from your childhood into a movie, would you pick Risk? A board game that lasts six hours and normally ends in fisticuffs between the participants? And would the Monopoly adaption involve a grandmother failing to count out the money properly and the dog choking on a stray hotel? These guys have got work to do.

So to show those studio execs the error of their ways, here's Asylum's make-me-a-movie wishlist. And you steal these ideas, Spielberg, we'll be after you. Read them. Laugh with your tummy. Then tell us which movies you want to see get made... after the jump.

Film: Magic 8 Ball the Movie
Tagline: Don't eight the game, eight the player
Synopsis: In this, the spiritual sequel to Yes Man, Jim Carrey discovers a magic 8 ball under his bed (as you do), which emits sparks when you shake it, then gives you its verdict – except that with this 8 ball the answers aren't "Yes", "No", "Do it!" Or "Maybe Tomorrow" – they're whatever the 8 ball's twisted little mind wants it to be. Oh, and whatever it says, you have to do it. "Go kick a goat" it says, and so Jim does, "Whallop a stranger round the head with a full pot of tea," and the pot is promptly smashed, "Pop me up your bottom" and so on.

Starring: Jim Carrey as 'The same wacky guy he's played in almost every movie', Danny De Vito as 'The Goat', and Jean-Claude Van Damme as 'The Guy On The Bus Who Hates Tea' and Joe Pasquale as 'The Magic 8 Ball' (Oh yeah, and it can talk. In a really annoying way.)

Film: Apocalypse Jenga
Tagline: Blocking hell...
Synopsis: Angelina Jolie (wearing tight leather shorts and wielding two pistols at once) discovers an ancient Mayan ruin deep in the jungle shaped like a giant block of wood, except it's made of other, smaller blocks of wood too. It looks a bit like a massive, unplayed game of Jenga, basically. Climbing up the structure, she knocks a block out by accident. The Jenga Master tells her to put it on the top using only one hand. It proves too difficult so she pushes the whole lot over and runs home to sulk in her room.

Starring: Angelina Jolie as 'Laura Craft', Gary Oldman as 'The Jenga Master' and Keanu Reeves as 'A Massive Block Of Wood'.

Film: The Game Of Life
Tagline: If you like living, you'll love life
Synopsis: A baby is born, grows up, goes to kindergarten, school and university, gets a job, meets a girl, marries her, buys a house, has a child, has a massive breakdown over the purpose of existence, buys a Ferrari, sells it, pays for every single whim his child and wife can think of, gets promoted, sacked, then finds a new job, works hard, retires, mows the lawn a lot more than he used to, buys a cat, takes up smoking a pipe and shouting a lot, wears comfortable clothing, gets sick, dies.

Starring: you as 'you'.

Film: Frisbeeman
Tagline: Catch it if you can!
Synopsis: In his grandfather's will Johnny Vegas receives a curved metal disc with razor sharp edges as well as a pair of gloves made out of diamonds, Michael Jackson-style, to prevent him from cutting himself. Armed with the super-frisbee, Johnny sellotapes a bin liner to the back of his shirt and becomes... Frisbeeman! Capable of lopping heads, legs and fingers off at 100 paces, he lives to defeat his nemesis, Hula Hoop Girl, whose hoop swinging deflects his Frisbee... somehow.

Starring: Johnny Vegas as 'Frisbeeman!' Scarlett Johansson as 'Hula Hoop Girl' and featuring Harry Hill as Frisbeeman's sidekick, 'Bubble-Blowing Boy'.


Film: Mouse Trap!
Tagline: Say cheese... and die!
Synopsis: Tobey Maguire was a perfectly normal geek until... a radioactive mouse bit him and he transformed into a massive hairy rodent, complete with all the special powers you'd expect in a giant rat, such as... high pitched squeaking and the ability to carry the bubonic plague. As armies gather to kill him, Tobey wriggles his way up the side of the Empire State Building, where a team of 10 Chinooks lower a massive upside-down washing basket over his head.

Starring: Tobey Maguire as 'A Seriously Massive Mouse', Bruce Forsyth as 'The Rat Catcher' ('Mice to see ya.. to see ya... MICE!') and that guy from the BT ads as 'One Of The Chinook Pilots'.