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(Our once weekly glance at the less intelligent elements of the criminal underworld.)

This week's winner: Caught, trousers down
For a crook there is only one thing worse than getting caught red-handed, and that's getting caught red-handed with your trousers around your ankles.

When staff at a supermarket in Portugal arrived for work this week, they could hardly believe their eyes. At the side of their store was a pair of legs sticking out from a small window.

Though the legs - which were bare except for a pair of tight black boxer-shorts and socks - were giving the occasional half-hearted kick, the person attached didn't seem to be moving either in or out.

On closer inspection it turned out the legs belonged to a would-be thief who had, NINE HOURS earlier, tried to break into the store via the small window vent just two feet off the floor. Footage and more, after the jump...



But after going in head-first, the 22-year-old Romanian - who appears to lack basic spacial awareness - got stuck. Barely able to touch the floor on the outside, and with no support on the inside, his hips had become wedged in the tiny gap.

As he spent the night wriggling in a bid to get free, he had succeeded in liberating himself... but only from his trousers, which then lay on the floor as a testament to his criminal idiocy.

Fast forward nine hours to the moment staff arrived. After recognising the trousers-down robber wasn't going anywhere they called police. Then finding themselves with a few minutes to kill, they did what anyone would in that situation. They gathered, pointed, laughed and took pictures on their mobile phones.

Antonio Oliveira, the owner of the supermarket proved he was a master of observation
and summary when he said: "He had his bottom out, it really was a bad day for him."

When police officers arrived they in turn called for the fire brigade and by this time pretty much everyone in the small town of Almancil had come to see our trapped crook... well his legs anyway.

It took firefighters two hours to cut him free - meaning he had been in the embarrassing position for a total of 11 hours.

As police led him away from the store, the gathered crowd gave a little cheer -- never a good end to a crime. He was then taken into custody where his cell must have felt surprisingly roomy. Check out our idiot villain, here...



The runners up:

Marmite thief goes on condiment specific raids

Dumb criminals, you either love them or hate them - and never was it more true than with this guy. Meet the Marmite burglar.

In one of the oddest crime sprees we have ever heard about, this sticky fingered crook steals nothing but jars of Marmite.

His raids have now become so bad that one store he targets has stopped stocking the condiment until he is caught. Bosses at the Northants garage say that in one month he robbed them four times swiping 18 jars of Marmite.

Looking back at CCTV footage they saw the shaven-headed man, who appears to be in his 30s, entering the store and leaving 17 minutes later with a carrier bag full of unpaid-for Marmite. He left two jars on the shelf -- but he came back for those the next day.

With his total swag worth just £50 staff say they are baffled by his actions, and speculation is rife as to why he has such an insatiable desire to pilfer the jars.

Theories range from him having a pregnant wife with cravings, to him using the strong smelling jars to hide drugs. We like to thing he's just dishing out Marmite to the poor.

Man leaves son in truck during strip club visit

While Donald Crawford has narrowly missed out on this weeks Criminal Idiocy title, he has probably still got his fingers crossed for the equally prestigious Bad Father of the Year Award.

The Indianapolis dad started his bid for both titles by driving to a strip club with his five-year-old son in his truck, he then added to his claim by leaving the lad in the cab while he went inside.

His valiant efforts then culminated in getting so drunk (in the classily named 'Sassy Kat's Show Club') that by the time he rolled out of the topless bar at 1:15am, he couldn't remember where he had parked.

Thinking his truck (and son) could have been stolen, he called police, who were understandably not too impressed with his parenting skills.

The cops attended the scene and say they were easily able to find the lad - though that might have more to do with the fact the truck was still parked outside Sassy Kat's, rather than their tracking skills. The boy was still sat inside the unlocked cab with the keys in the ignition and was watching cartoons on a mini TV.

Officers charged Crawford with child neglect and public intoxication adding that he had put his son in jeopardy by leaving him exposed in a high crime area. Like this would be perfectly acceptable behaviour in a better neighbourhood!