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Here at Asylum we take an absurd and passionate pride in delivering the weird, bizarre, and downright peculiar for your clicking experience, day in, day out – and because of our addiction to the unusual we think we've become something of an expert. Kind of. Maybe. Over the course of this year, we've had dead men winning mayoral terms, male strippers being charged with impersonating police officers and men busted smuggling pigeons in their underwear – and that isn't even the start of it.
Separating the wheat from the only-just-not-good-enough-wheat from the last twelve months, we've been scratching our heads in frustration. Every piece of news is weird. Weirder than weird. Nevertheless, after much wailing and gnashing of the teeth, we came up our top 20 best bizarre bits of news from the year gone by. Check out the first 10 in our two-parter below, and click here for part 2.
Face tattoo girl admits to telling massive whopper Kimberley Vlaeminck, the 18-year-old girl from Belgium who had 56 stars tattooed on her face, admitted that her tall tale of 'being asleep and the nasty tattoo man added more he did' was a massive porkie after all. And she would have gotten away with it... if it weren't for that pesky hidden camera TV show.
Bank robber eats the evidence
When it comes to disposing of the evidence, there's no beating, um, eating it. Unfortunately doing it on the bonnet of a car whilst the on board camera's rolling undid his ingenious plan somewhat.
Giant chicken dances at council meeting
Bored of politics? What you need is a man in a giant chicken costume dancing about your local council meeting to liven things up. Seriously, who doesn't like giant chickens? That's right, nobody.
Woman exploded boyfriend's penis with fireworks A disgruntled Russian woman faces 12 years in prison after strapping lit fireworks to her boyfriend's old chap. Needless to say, he went to hospital and no, they're no longer an item.
Bugatti Veyron plunges into a lake
Anyone seeing you driving a Bugatti Veyron (base price £899,000) is going to feel two things: envy and hate. But if you drive it into a lake to avoid a low-flying pelican? Well then that envy and hate magically becomes laughter.
Man shoots himself in the head while teaching gun safety In years to come, when you look up the word 'irony' in the dictionary (or on Google, who are we kidding) you'll see the amazingly-named James Looney, who blew a hole in his head teaching his girlfriend how to be safe with guns. Seriously. No joke.
Have you seen my skateboarding parrot? A parrot with its own handmade skateboard (honest) was birdnapped, leaving his owner devastated. And despite his unusual means of transportation, he hasn't been seen at any of the local skateparks lately.
Woman barely escapes death by underground train
Next time you get a bit worse for wear, consider taking a cab – if only to reduce the chances of you ever doing anything as stupid as this. Seriously, stumbling into the path of an oncoming train? Never a good idea.
Giant seagull invades the news
Is there anything scarier than a giant seagull? Okay, don't answer that. It's in the top 100 scariest things ever. Top 100,000, maybe. One unfortunate Australian news anchor found this out the hard way on one show after the big squawking beastie appeared behind his head. Take a look if you don't believe us.
Russian pedestrian narrowly avoids death by bus
The little green man was nowhere in sight, but one Russian businessman thought he was better than that, scampering across the road... before a bus hurtled straight at him. Even still, he keeps his cool. Top marks, that man (if you ignore the whole green cross code infraction thing, anyway).
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