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(A look at the less intelligent elements of the criminal underworld.)

This week's winner: Cold case burglar found hiding in fridge
It's safe to say the evening did not go to plan for Jerzy Jancewicz (not pictured -- that's a monkey). He'd intended to raid an office building in Bytom, Poland, and probably wanted to be home in time to watch his favourite show on Telly -- X Factorski.

But shortly after breaking into the office block, Jancewicz was spotted by a security guard and had to do a runner before he even had a chance to pilfer anything.

By the time police arrived at the scene, the 48-year-old had long since gone, but cops received a tip-off that he had only fled as far as his mistress's apartment where he was said to be hiding out. More after the jump...


Poland's finest boys in blue then visited the property, where they searched for Jancewicz, to no avail. After checking each of the rooms they interviewed his mistress, who said, keeping her straightest face, that she hadn't seen him all evening.

But then, just as the officers were getting up to leave, they heard a muffled sneezing coming from the kitchen. On closer inspection the noise seemed to be coming from the fridge.

When they swung the door open they discovered a cold, curled up, shivering (and slightly blue) Jancewicz. It's not known if they offered him a "bless-you" - but they did let him warm up before taking him to the station.
"I don't know how long he'd been in there but he'd caught a cold as a result," said police spokesman Adam Jakubiak. "Officers gave him a blanket and a pack of tissues before taking him away."

RUNNERS UP

Bank robber useS own car for raid... with personalised plates
Asylum's Rules of Dumb Crookery #16: When heading out to commit a crime, try NOT to take anything which may be used to identify you. Things to leave at home include, bills with your name and address, your passport... and cars with distinctive number plates.

We are not saying he's lazy, but when James Snell was tasked with finding a vehicle for an upcoming bank raid, he didn't exactly cast the net far and wide.

In fact he didn't get any further than his own drive, sure his BMW was quick - but it was also registered to his address and with the numberplate 'J4MES' it wasn't exactly inconspicuous.

The sporty blue BMW was used in the planning of the £100,000 raid, including going out to collect heavy metal drain covers which would be used to smash their way into a Halifax branch in Cardiff.

But a witness had spotted them lifting the drain covers and remembered the registration. When the drain covers were subsequently used to smash the windows of the bank as security guards were refilling the cash machines, it didn't take police too long to figure out who was behind it.

Snell, 27, was traced to his hideout where he was found with more than £30,000 of the stolen cash. He has since appeared in court with the rest of his four person gang and will personally be jailed for 10 years. Other gang members' sentences range from eight to 12 years.

Pair failed driving tests they took for others
For worried would-be drivers it sounded like an offer that was too good to be true, someone who was willing to take their driving theory and practical tests for them.

Turns out it was too good to be true. Not only thanks to the obvious fraud that everyone involved was participating in, but because the hired goons were ruddy awful drivers.

In fact Ali Abdullah, 28, and Muqtar Nuren, 22, took a total of 43 tests at centres from London to Huddersfield on a 'no win no fee' basis. They only passed 10 - a feat described by Abdullah's own solicitor as "abysmal".

But it wasn't their poor pass rate which ended their 'ingenious' plan, it was the fact they didn't look anything like the people on the provisional licences they used. This prompted the Driving Standards Agency to start an investigation.

After appearing in court and admitting conspiracy to defraud, Abdullah was sentenced to three years while Nuren was jailed for one year.