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Stag dos are tricky beasts, aren't they? You're going to get drunk, you're going to be sick, and, chances are, you're going to be very close to absolute strangers' naked breasts - and pay for it, too.

So in an effort to make your next prospective trip to the top of a lamppost more comfortable, we've had a look around to see what's what in the world of dancing girls, feather boas, high kicking and general sexy times so that you can make an informed decision about where you pass out on your next stag.

Look forward to seedy sauciness and an abundance of neon lights as you journey into the deep dark underbelly of humanity's sexual perversions. Or something like that, anyway.

Amsterdam's De Wallen

What's it like? A major tourist attraction tucked away in the heart of Amsterdam, it's essentially a series of tiny alleys criss-crossed by canals, a rats' nest of debauchery and decadence, with around 300 tiny booths or cabins lining the streets, each with at least one prosititute a piece.
Is it legal? Well yes sir it is sir, with both prostitution and owning a brothel being allowed by the government – so nothing to worry about. Legally, that is...
What makes it so special? That'll be the ability to smoke marijuana, sir. Besides your regular sex shops, theatres and peep shows, there's also a cannabis museum. And sex museum too, if you're interested – which, if you're wondering around De Wallen, you probably are.
An infamous location worth visiting: Cassa Rosso on the Achterburgwal is well worth a visit (look out for its logo, a giant pink elephant standing up wearing a tie). For £30 you can look forward to a 'couple show', a striptease, a soft SM show and 'the Banana show'. Make of that what you will.

Hamburg's Reeperbahn aka 'die sündige Meile' ('the sinful mile')

What's it like? Situated in the northern part of Hamburg, the scary-sounding 'Reeperbahn' is a long street full of brothels, strip joints and sex shops, as well as musical theatres ('Cats' played there for a long time) and restaurants, both of which you can tell people you're actually going to, honest.
Is it legal? Prostitution and brothel-owning are again both legally a-okay but morally a bit oo-err.
What makes it so special? Bizarrely, The Beatles. Before everyone's favourite Liverpudlians took over the world with their floppy hair and jolly tunes, they played Hamburg. A lot. John Lennon is quoted as saying: "I might have been born in Liverpool - but I grew up in Hamburg."
An infamous location worth visiting: Safari cabaret (again boasting an elephant logo – this time, in multicoloured neon) is the last in a great tradition of German Sex Theatres on Große Freiheit ("Great Freedom") Street and for £20-odd, topless women acting out The Rocky Horror Show can be found.

Paris's Quartier Pigalle

What's it like? Nicknamed 'Pig Alley' by Allied soldiers during the war, it's everything the movies told you about and more, still chock-a-block full of 'Sexodromes' and frilly knickers, all surrounding 'La Place Pigaille' – situated, oddly, very close to the Sacre Coeur Cathedral.
Is it legal? This is a tricky one – you can be paid for sexual services rendered, but you cannot solicit, not even by standing outside in skimpy attire. Boo.
What makes it so special? Besides the history of sexual proclivity, it's got to be the art, dahrling, the art. Pablo Picasso, Vincent van Gogh and Henri Toulouse-Lautrec all lived here at one point or another, the cheeky devils.
An infamous location worth visiting: That'll be the Moulin Rouge, of course! Though Nicole Kidman is not necessarily included, it's the birthplace of the can-can, offers many, many, many dancing girls (Cheapest tickets are around £50) and has a glowing red windmill on the top. What more could you want (aside from Nicole Kidman on a swing)?

Soho

What's it like? Though somewhat of a shadow of its former, more deviant self, Soho still remains the capital's number one sexual hotspot, a network of old sexy streets slap bang in the middle of the big smoke, full of sex shops, erotic dancers, gay pubs and, um, West End family stage shows.
Is it legal? Prostitution is legal – almost everything else surrounding it is not. Brothels, pimping, pandering, kerb crawling, they're all no-nos, but sexy dancing girls are on, so fill your boots there, fellas.
What makes it so special? Since the 1980s, Soho has blossomed into a ludicrously cool place to go out, including such famous clubs as Chinawhites and The Groucho, so it's no longer a super seedy place to spend your Friday nights. Unless you want it to be, of course.
An infamous location worth visiting: You'll want the Windmill Theatre, just off Piccadilly Circus, famous for its dancing girls and catchphrase "We're never closed". It's not a copy of Paris's 'Moulin Rouge', as you might expect, as was actually built on the remains of an old windmill. Now you know.