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You've finally plucked up enough courage to ask out the cute redhead who works in your office, and what's more, she said "okay then".

You've carefully selected the bar you're going to take her to, donned your nattiest pumps and dusted off your "date shirt". You've picked her up and it's all going swell until you get the bar and start to get a bit nervous, you're making rubbish jokes she's looking at her watch.

But this isn't fair! This isn't you she's judging. This is a bumbling, nervous, shadow of you. You need a line, something to tell her that will secure you a second date by which time you'll have calmed down a bit and she can start the joyous process of falling in love with the real, charming, intelligent, urbane, you.

But what to tell her? Well don't worry little worry-face, we've developed eight cast-iron second date closers you can deploy in just such a bind -- keep reading.




Not technically lie: "I'm going to do a marathon."
Why it's not a lie: Obviously you're not going to do one of those poxy "organised" marathons, and clearly you don't mean you're doing to do it in one day. Why do it to yourself? You mean you're going to travel 26 miles on your legs, it might take a week, it might take a month, it might take a whole year, but by god you'll go till you've done it.
Why it will impress: Because girls love men who run marathons... especially for charity.
Use on: Warm-hearted, jogging, middle class girls who work in the third sector.

Not technically lie: "I've been asked to model."
Why it's not a lie: ...For my chess club's charity calendar.
Why it will impress: Although she's looking at you and can make her own judgement as to whether you're handsome or not, women love to know that other people think you're handsome and models are handsome. See, it's called logic, that is.
Use on: Any girl who winces when she looks at you.

Not technically lie: "I can play the drums."
Why it's not a lie: Insofar as I can hit drums with sticks and stamp a bass drum.
Why it will impress: Girls love men who can play instruments, and while the drums are one of the most difficult instruments to master they are also the easiest instrument to blag.
Use on: Hipster girl.

Not technically lie: "I'm a good cook."
Why it's not a lie: Cooking: The process of preparing food through the application of heat. How many times have you cooked something? Hundreds of times. How many times have you failed? Once? Twice? Even a few dozen. That fact is when you cook something, more times than not it's edible. In our eyes, that means you're a good cook.
Why it will impress: Everyone loves delicious food and the people who make delicious food are good cooks. You do the math.
Use on: Girls who eat food, which should be most of them.

Not technically lie: "I'm not showing off, but I should tell you, I'm a great dancer."
Why it's not a lie: Dancing is an art-form and as such any critical interpretation of it is subjective. One man's vaguely dangerous, flailing, is another man's awesome dancing. She might well think your dancing looks like the gyratings of a nervous, weeble on a wobble-board, but as long as you think you're awesome, then it's not a lie.
Why it will impress: There is a myth propagated by women's magazines, that good dancers are good... at... that. But it's lies.
Use on: Glamour (and other magazines of that ilk) subscribers.

Not technically lie: "I write poetry."
Why it's not a lie: Okay so you wrote your first poem in school in 1998 and your poetry career has pretty much been on hiatus ever since -- you're not claiming you're prolific. You're definitely going to write another poem soon when you can get round to it, just after you've completed Super Monkey Ball again.
Why it will impress: It suggests you're sensitive and creative.
Use on: Arty girls, or any woman with any sort of ribbon in her hair.

Not technically lie: "I speak French."
Why it's not a lie: J'ai acheté un petit cheval week-end dernier. I bought a small horse last weekend. "Speak" just means to say, it doesn't imply any level of fluency. So what if you haven't said so much as a word since your B in GCSE French? You can still remember it and you could say some if you needed to... probably.
Why it will impress: It shows you're a learner and that you care about other cultures... admirable qualities in any person.
Use on: Traveling girls and those who did languages at University, though make sure they don't speak French.

Not technically lie: "I could take Mike Tyson."
Why it's not a lie: ...to Alton Towers, if he fancied it. It's not your fault if she implies you mean in a fight? What kind of loon would think that.
Why it will impress: It's morbid, but some girls like the brute-defender type, if you get the impression the girl you're out with is one of these try this cheeky line.
Use on: Girls who like bad-boys, women intrigued by your expansive face tattoo.





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